She's having a baby...

February 4, 1993

It’s been a long time since I wrote last. A lot of stuff has gone on too. My mom did take BT back. That is pretty disgusting but what can I do? Nothing. I told her how I feel about it and haven’t said anything else about it to her. I haven’t talked to T since the last time I wrote. I have done a pretty effective job of putting distance between us. I have not been to a meeting in a while. I told my story on the 29th but that is about it. I’m getting ready to go to one tonight.

I’ve been in my turtle phase, pulled up into my shell, basically running from my emotions. It is about time to come out of my shell. It only causes more problems then it cures. I’m still seeing AS. We seem to get along well. Nothing serious really. A lot of guys have been hinting around they are interested in seeing me but I don’t think so. One at a time is enough for me. It would get way too confusing to see more than one at a time. Besides, I enjoy hanging out with AS. I’ll just go with the flow and see what happens.



February 19, 1993

Well, I finally moved into my new condo. It’s about time! It looks so good! And AS is living here too. Our furniture looks really good together.




February 24, 1993

Life is finally settling down to normal again. All the moving and packing is done. All the unpacking is done. Now AS and I are getting used to living together. So far, it has worked out real well. He is good about staying out of my way when I am in one of my moods. He’s not like T at all. When we are at home, we both do our own thing. He doesn’t need my constant attention. When something is bothering me, he’ll ask about it, but doesn’t demand I talk about it. When I’m ready to talk, he’ll listen. So far, so good. I’ve enjoyed it.

I’ve been slacking off my meetings lately. I went to one last night but hadn’t been to one in about a week and a half. I don’t like driving all the way out to west Knoxville to meetings anymore so I am going to try and go to the Tuesday and Thursday Melrose from now on. I was also supposed to go to therapy today but I called and cancelled my session. I’m tired of driving out to west Knox for that too. I don’t think I am going to do it anymore. I haven’t been in two weeks and I seem to be doing okay with it. Or without it.

B and I haven’t seen much of each other lately. I was all wrapped up into moving into Park Place and B has been all wrapped up into being pregnant. She is about 10 weeks along now. She decided to name her baby Sage if it is a girl and Forest if it is a boy. Cool names I think.

Speaking of pregnancy, I still haven’t had a period this month. I can’t decide if I should be worried about it or not because I don’t remember when my one last month was.





February 25, 1993

I decided last night I had to know if I was pregnant or not, so I went to the drugstore and bought a test. It came out positive. So now, I know, I am pregnant.

I’ve told my parents. AS has told his. My grandparents know. All our friends know. Now, all I have to do is wait 9 months and then devote my life to raising a child. Don’t ask my why I’m having it because I do not know. I only know I can’t and won’t have an abortion. I’m not really sure how I feel about it yet. It is slowly sinking in.

I’ll get back to you in a couple of days. It is all pretty new to me. Very new.

My mom is going to help me out. So is AS.






February 27, 1993

Well, it is Saturday and I am still pregnant. It is slowly sinking in, a little more day by day. I figure I will freak out in about a week, but, right now, I am still pretty calm about it.

AS and I got into our first little spat today. I wouldn’t call it an argument because we weren’t yelling or cussing one another out, but we were being curt and childish.

I feel good about my decision so far. For a while today, I really wanted to go out, dance, smoke, all that stuff, but only for a moment. I feel like I am doing something much more important than all that stuff.

AS and I went to Baby Superstore today and it was a really strange feeling to be around all that baby stuff.