July 1
Heath left for London two days ago. I miss him-a lot. He called yesterday but I had just left to have my hair done. Christi talked to him. I feel lonely since he has gone. I was going to hang out with Christi tonight but I decided to come home instead. I stopped by Park 40 on the way home.
July 2
I go on the floor Tuesday. I am pretty nervous about it. I hope I do not totally screw up somebody’s hair.
I really started to miss Heath tonight. He left a message on my machine today and said he missed me. He will be gone another week and a half.
July 4
Tom called last night and wanted to come see Paris and me. I said okay, but when I told Heath about it today, he asked that I please not do anything until he got back. So I told Tom; he got upset and said Heath was being controlling. That upset me so I explained to Tom that Heath was uncomfortable with it, and that I wanted to respect his feelings because, so far, I enjoy my thing with Heath. I am not going to risk it for Tom’s sake. He was still upset.
It only took that one conversation for me to realize I could not be with Tom again. I could be wrong but it is seemed things were not going his way, so he got upset. Whether I am right or not, I know I was upset after a ten minute phone conversation.
It is not worth all that.
July 5
Today was my first day on the floor. I shampooed a couple of people and did a shampoo-set and manicure. It turned out better than I thought it would. I also switched to 7.5 so I don’t get out until 4:30 now. I don’t really like it but it will help me to get through school faster.
I had a pretty intense discussion with my mom tonight. It turned out okay in the end and it felt good to get some things off my chest. I have therapy tomorrow so I can process all this with mom and Tom in more depth then.
Heath gets home in a week. It will be good to see him after two weeks. I cannot help but wonder if our relationship is going to work out or not. Time, only, will tell.
Paris will be nine months old in five days. That is hard to believe. He is growing up so fast.
July 6
I was a hair model tonight for Travis from Salon V. I was able to sit in on the class and it was great. It is really good incentive to hurry up and get out of school.
I started wondering more tonight about what is going on with Heath and I. There are a lot of things I am not so sure about. For instance: is Heath really ready to take on the responsibility of a child at this point in his life? Am I ready to jump into another relationship or do I want to play the field some? For example, I was very attracted to Travis and I think he was attracted to me. Am I willing to just be with one person at this point?
These are all things I need to figure out soon.
I don’t want Paris to grow up with a lot of men in his life and I need to figure out the best way to go about doing this as soon as possible. Paris is growing up fast and these things will start to affect him soon.
July 7
I seem to be in a state of confusion once again about me in a relationship. I am not sure I want to be in one at all. I’ve been thinking about asking Heath to move out. I don’t know I am ready to settle down and I am not too sure he is either. I guess the only thing I can do is talk with him when he gets back from London.
July 13
Heath is moving out. He called last night and we got into an argument, again. He will be back tomorrow night. I feel bad about it in a way, and, in a way, I don’t feel bad at all. Christi called after all of this and she is upset with me now. I don’t really claim to understand why.
I hung out with Travis all weekend and I really enjoyed myself. I do feel guilty as far as that goes. I should have waited until Heath got back to spend time with him but I could not. Now I can no longer say I have never cheated on anyone before.
It is actually all a big mess but it seems to be working out.
Travis sent me flowers at school today. They are beautiful. I get a similar feeling around him that I got around Tom when I first met him. I knew after Tom and I had been together two or three weeks that I was going to fall in love with him. I think the same could happen with Travis. He is very mellow and openly emotional. I am moving to 4th & Gill; he lives around the corner. He offered to take Paris to daycare on the mornings he did not have to be at work until after me.
July 19
I went to Nashville this weekend to model for Brent in a Wella hair show. I enjoyed it but I am ready to stay home for a while and hang out with Paris.
Things seem to be going well with Travis. No problems as of yet.
Beth is home. She spent the night with me last night and we hung out today. It was good to see her again but I can tell we have a lot of catching up to do.
Tom came over last night to see Paris. It is still a little uncomfortable to see him and be around him.
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